Taken with a grain of salt

God, I revel in fast fashion sprees. Six legitimate items for a total of $97. I love you, Forever 21, but only somewhat. Let's please not get into the gritty details of the plastic-Aéropostale-drawstring-shopping-bag-toting preteens greatly representational of how do we put this... the very worst of Middle America. Or shall we? Unfortunately, these little 14-year-olds sporting vom-inducing light wash American Eagle bootcut denim (thanks to some very indicative back-pocket stitching) and imitation signature Coach handbags (even more vom-inducing) are the ones responsible for giving discount chains like Forever and H&M an at-times horrendous name. Surely, the all-too-diverse offerings cater to a world-- and I mean a world-- of individuals, but that's why it takes me so much damn time and effort to peruse the entire store counter-clockwise at least five times (obsessive process, I know), then take about 900 items into the fitting room six at a time before deciding to purchase an average of two to three items at most. It's worth it, though, because when I found that perfect $50 black faux-leather jacket to pair with my ankle-zipper Diesel Zivy jeans or my fuschia-over-black layered Aqua skirt, it's like my worlds collided, counter-intuitively entering a serene sartorial high/low balance.

As I continue my conspicuously snobby rant, let me just say, shame on the few bad apples who do purchase the legitimate-enough looking fur vest but decide to pair it with plastic leggings from Aldo (the ones that come packaged are NEVER a good idea) and dare I say, classic short UGG's. Whyyyyy. These clueless souls serve as a microcosm for the entire poorly-dressed global population, sporting items that either a) are an ill fit for their hair/skin/body type, b) clash painfully and/or distastefully with the the rest of their clothing choices, c) are a fashion travesty for the amount they paid, or sadly, d) all of the above. What kills me is that these stores continue to manufacture some of the most heinous items possible in calculating hopes that they'll generate profit (which they do), when in reality what they're doing is perpetuating the general acceptance of poorly-constructed garments originating from less-than-favorable fabric... and this is even BEFORE the said bargain hunters blindly and haphazardly throw the pieces together, exclaiming the all-too-familiar, "Oh, this looks SO cute!!!". Spare me.

Usually, I'm not this much of a bitch, but something in the air has made me turn up my nose (literally, Forever at Christiana yesterday reeked of something awful) at some of the outputs of these stores. I agree that the endless process of sifting through racks and bins in hopes of stumbling upon something a bit more brilliant than poly-cotton tops and subpar denim is what makes fast fashion such an adventure, but come on. When you're producing puke green vests reminiscent of Sulley from Monsters Inc., I'm sad to say you're just asking for some type of negative reputation. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for personal style and more than anything, spending as little as possible, but not when that self-expression includes matronly red mock turtleneck sweater dresses (absolutely wrong in itself) that pill just from sitting on the sales floor, or plaid shorts with missing buttons potentially constructed by my five-year-old cousin during art class... and especially, at the expense of items that could be made under better conditions to generate a much more favorable result for the amount of money spent constructing them in the first place. Waste of resources = non-value-added activities = bad. Yes, someone's gotta do it, but just saying that I am not going to be one to support it.

Here's to you, fashion. Cheers.